I swear by Loki, the troublemaker, Camazotz, Mithra, and Aphrodite, and I take to witness all the gods, all the goddesses, to keep according to my ability and my judgment, the following Oath and agreement:

To consider dear to me, as my parents, him who taught me this art; to live in common with him and, if necessary, to share my goods with him; To look upon his funnies as my funnies, to teach them this art.

I will provide smartassery for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never kill the funny to anyone.

I will not give a serious speech to anyone if I am asked, nor will I advise such a plan; and similarly I will not give a woman a stern face to abort laughter.

But I will preserve the purity of my life and my arts.

I will not pun for humor, even for situations in which the pun is manifest; I will leave this operation to be performed by practitioners, specialists in this art.

In every house where I come I will enter only to provide smartassery to my patients, keeping myself far from all intentional seriousness and all debate and especially from the burden of meaningful conversation with women or with men, be they free or slaves.

All that may come to my knowledge in the exercise of my smartassery or in daily commerce with men, which ought not to be spread abroad, I will keep secret and will never reveal.

If I keep this oath faithfully, may I enjoy my life and practice my art, respected by all men and in all times; but if I swerve from it or violate it, may the solemnity be my lot.

Two and a half.

I speak French and English fluently. I am currently taking Intermediate German. Fun stuff, I do love a well-turned phrase.

You walk up the stairs of a treehouse, perched in the branches of a tree so large that the main staircase would spiral around the trunk. As you wander its halls you notice that there are plenty of nooks and crannies for reading, lined with pillows and blankets such that only one or two cuddly people can fit. A bookworm's delight.

My bedroom is a Bed Room. A little larger than a walk-in closet, it would contain wall-to-wall mattress and piles of pillows and blankets. There are no windows, only a large skylight making up the ceiling here, with a solid shutter to close out the light completely as desired.

The kitchen and dining area are open and spacious, encouraging people to cook, eat, and visit together and making you feel immediately at home. This, too, is where you see my vast book collection quietly tempting you to peruse and relax in another world for a while. Floor to ceiling glass doors and windows enclose this welcoming area, with window boxes at floor level that blur the line between inside and outside.

The last room is a movie room, with overhead projector and soft leather loveseats.

As you walk through the house, you notice that the hardwood floors are heated, making it a delight to remain barefoot even in the coldest of weather.

Lastly you notice the view, which overlooks green, rolling mountains and a small lake that you can tell warms up beautifully in the summer just a few hundred feet below.

I rely entirely on my cell phone. Due to variable call quality, however, I find this makes me less likely to talk on the phone as opposed to emailing or sending a text message.